There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
