Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
