She's JV to your varsity
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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