I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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