I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
from now on my penis is your penis
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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