All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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