I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
