I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
