I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
