are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
