They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
