I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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