I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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