Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
