Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
