If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
