Pappa wants mamma naked
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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