I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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