So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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