i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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