I like my sex mixed with concussions.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
