I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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