Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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