If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
