I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
