I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
