it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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