if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
