Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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