woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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