The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just pee around me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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