a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
