He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
