dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
