i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
