I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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