Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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