I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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