you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
