just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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