This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
