I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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