Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
