Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
