You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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