ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
