Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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