Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
