I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This girl is more easily done than said...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
