I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
