At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
