very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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