I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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