once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize