I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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