I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize