Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
