but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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