How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
