I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
