Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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