Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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