I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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