Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
