I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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