haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
