i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
