Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
