Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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