maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize