she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
