so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
