Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just gift wrapped bread.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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