I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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