If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
