Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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