Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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