we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Less talking, more tequila
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm like, not good at living.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
