Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
