the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
