i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Randomize
