Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
