I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
