i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
