So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
