margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
