fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
